


Against All Odds

by mckaymoose69



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:08:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28953213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mckaymoose69/pseuds/mckaymoose69
Summary: Sam and Dean rescue Jamie in more than one ways and take her with them on their adventures. Sam doesn’t let her hunt to protect her, but trouble seems to find her anyways. Lucifer tries for a second attempt at crating a child who will obey him.
Relationships: Sam Winchester/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 1





	Against All Odds

When Sam found me I was pretty broken. I had gone out drinking hoping to find a decent rebound having just been dumped by the man I was sure I was gonna marry. I got a little more than I asked for when four guys jumped me on my way out. They left me in the alley behind the bar. I felt like I was dying but I also knew that life wouldn’t let me go that easily. I was content to slip into unconsciousness and hope that I wouldn’t have to wake up the next morning and deal. No such luck.  
I woke up with a dull ringing in my ears and my head was spinning. I heard hushed voices as well but didn’t feel like opening my eyes to find out who they were coming from. For a second I thought maybe I could still be in the alley. But whatever I was laying on was too soft for that. Hospital bed maybe? But there was no beeping from any machines and I could smell coffee and also a stale musk that I didn’t think would come from a hospital room. The voices became more distinct as the ringing started to fade. It was at least two men. They seemed to be arguing. “We should really take her to a hospital. She’s hurt bad Dean.” “I know... but there’s gonna be a lot of questions with us bringing in a girl beat to hell and I’m pretty sure their first question would be aren’t you those serial killer guys from the news? And I seem to remember you telling me we leaving her on the hospital sidewalk wasn’t a viable option. I’m not seeing a whole lot of options here Sammy.” They went silent and I suddenly felt vulnerable almost sure they were both staring at me. I guess that was my cue to get up and get out of here so I could let them off the hook. I inhaled deeply as if just waking up and finally opened my eyes. I sat up quickly and let out an involuntary moan as my entire body screamed at me to lay the fuck back down. I put my head in my hands and squeezed my eyes shut tight hoping for the paint to go away. The bed sank a little as someone sat next to me putting a sturdy hand on my shoulder. “Hey are you ok? Dean get her some water.” I had no idea if I was ok. I ached everywhere. I steeled myself and slowly took my head out of my hands to look up at the man sitting next to me. Based on the conversation I heard earlier I was guessing this was Sam. My plan to tell him I was fine completely left my mind as soon as I saw him. Not to be over dramatic but he was probably the most attractive man I had ever seen. His eyes pierced mine. They were filled with genuine concern and were searching mine trying to find the answer to his question. Before I could come to my own conclusion that I needed to stop ogling and start talking, Dean was standing beside me offering a glass of water, thankfully pulling me out of my trance. I suddenly realized how dry mouth was, unsure if I could have answered even if I had wanted to, and eagerly took the glass, draining it in seconds. I looked up at the man standing in front of me. He was pretty damn attractive to. Were these guys’ models or something? “Um thanks” I muttered shyly. “And ya I’m fine I think.” I said looking at the man on the bed. Dean moved to sit on the bed adjacent from us. “Really? Cause it looks like you went a few rounds with Bigfoot. What the hell happened to you?” They probably deserved the truth since they did rescue me from the alley, but I really wasn’t ready to delve into last night’s events. “You should see Bigfoot” I answered giving him a half smile and wincing slightly when the action made my cheek sting. Dean smiled a little at my quip. “It just so happens that I have it on pretty good authority that Bigfoot doesn’t actually exist, so whose asses do we have to kick for marking you up like this?” I sighed. Why did he care so much? They already went above and beyond by taking me in. Now they wanted to go beat up the guys that did this to me? Why? “It was dark and I was really drunk so I didn’t really see much. I know that there was four of them, but that’s all I got. I-I should probably go...” I tried standing up but I an immediate wave of nausea and dizziness washed over me and I sunk back onto the bed, shaking a little. “Whoa” I muttered. Sam’s hand was back on my shoulder. “Hey you don’t have to go anywhere. You can stay here as long as you need. Unless you wanna call someone to pick you or someone we can drive you to? I just don’t want you to be alone.” Sam’s voice was so soft and kind. I wondered if I could ask to be dropped off at my house without him checking that there was actually someone there to be with me. “Uh no. There’s no one” I surprised myself with my honesty, but I was a little invested in this situation. Kinda wanted to see where it would go and find out who these guys were. We were in one of those cheap motel rooms so I was guessing modeling was not their occupation. They looked similar so maybe they were brothers. Hadn’t they mentioned something about serial killers... “Well then you’re definitely staying here. You have a pretty big bump on your head so I’m guessing you fell on it and might have a concussion. I guess we could drop you off at a hospital if you’d rather.” Sam frowned a little at his last offer. “No!” I responded a little too quickly and loudly. “I mean I’m sure I’m fine. I don’t wanna go through all that just for them to tell me I’m gonna be fine and to get some rest you know?” Sam smiled “you’re very brave” I smiled and ducked my head at the compliment, feeling my cheeks get a little red. I didn’t know why I felt so safe with these strangers but I did and I didn’t want to leave until I had to. “Alright” Dean started standing up from the bed and heading to the door. “I’m gonna go down to that bar and ask around. See if anyone saw anything. You gonna be able to handle watching Miss Bigfoot wrestler over here Sammy?” “Ya Dean we’ll be fine. Call if you find out anything?” Dean gave a thumbs up in response and left the motel room.  
“Sorry, I didn’t even think to ask what your name is. I’m Sam. And that my brother Dean.” “I’m Jamie.” So they were brothers. That was one question answered. “Jamie, those guys did they just beat you or did they you know...” Sam looked down uncomfortably, but glanced up at me with those intensely caring eyes. I knew what he wanted to know, but I didn’t know if I could say the words out loud. I realized I might be in shock about the whole thing. The weight of the situation hadn’t fully kicked in. I realized that it really hurt... down there. Burned. I probably had an STD or 5. “Ya they uh they” I took a deep breathe to get the rest of the words out “they raped me” I couldn’t meet his eyes. I don’t know why I suddenly felt so much shame. Or worry that, that answer would make him feel disgusted by me. “God. I’m so sorry Jamie. “He slowly lifted his hand to my face, caressing my cheek. I leaned into the warm touch. I suddenly wanted him to hold me and I felt tears threatening to spill out. “Hey do you think I could take a shower? I feel pretty gross.” I had to get away so I could have my incoming meltdown in private. He didn’t need to see that. “Ya of course! I’ll give you one of my shirts to change into so you don’t have to wear your old clothes.” The thought of wearing sams shirt made me feel unnecessarily happy. “Are you gonna be ok standing up?” Hmm. Hadn’t thought of that. “Ya I think so.” I stood up slowly this time. I got dizzy again and swayed a little. Sam caught me by the waste and I leaned into him a little. “You ok?” He asked. The dizziness cleared after a second. “Ya I’m ok. Thanks.” He held onto me still and led me to the bathroom. Stopping to grab a shirt out of his suitcase. There was a mirror on the wall by the bathroom door where I caught a glimpse of myself for the first time. “Holy... shit” I breathed. I didn’t even recognize myself. Bruised completely covered my arms, legs, and face. There were some cuts too. Only they looked more like scratches. I’m not sure why but seeing myself like this released the tears I was holding back. I stood there shocked. Tears streaming down my face. Sam didn’t say anything but brought me closer to him and wrapped me in his arms. At this point I was sobbing. As horrible as I felt I also never wanted this moment to end. I wanted this man I had just met to hold me like this forever. I managed to get ahold of myself, though, and pulled back a little from him. “I’m sorry” I said and let out a nervous laugh. Sam gently wiped the tears off my cheeks. “You have nothing to be sorry about. Why don’t you go take that shower? I’ll be right out here.” He smiled. I weakly smiled back. “Thanks Sam.” He handed me his shirt he had picked up and I went and showered.  
I kept my eyes closed while showering not wanting to see any more of what had been done to me. When I turned the water off I could hear voices outside. Dean was probably back. Suddenly I heard the door to the motel room open and close and there was silence. Was Sam still there? Or had they left me. My heart sank at the thought of having to face everything that had happened on my own, but they had already done way too much for me. I had to start coping on my own at some point. I put on the shirt Sam gave me and looked at the shorts I had been wearing at the bar. I did not want to put those back on. But on the off chance Sam was out there I figured I should. Plus if he wasn’t I’d still have to put them on to figure out a way home. I put on the dirty, blood stained shorts and walked out of the bathroom. The room was empty. They were both gone. I felt stupid to when I started to tear up again. What was I expecting? But then something caught my eye. There was a piece of clothing on the bed and a note on top. I walked over and saw that it was shorts, similar to the ones I was wearing, and a pair of panties. What the? I picked up the note it said “Jamie - I had Dean pick these up for you on his way back. I realized you probably didn’t want to wear any of your old clothes. We left to go take care of those guys. I’ll explain when we get back. If you’d rather leave I’ll understand. I’m truly sorry for everything that happened to you. -Sam” Shit I was in trouble. This boy was perfect and I was already falling. Upon further investigation the underwear was pretty sexy and I blushed but also laughed at the thought of Dean picking them out. I hadn’t missed the fact that Sam could have asked Dean to get me a shirt but opted out to keep me in his. I slipped out of my old shorts and underwear and put on the new ones. Then I scooped up all of my old clothes and threw them forcefully in the trash can. I found the remote to the TV and turned it on. I didn’t recognize the show but I didn’t really care to find something I knew. I just wanted something to distract me from unwanted thoughts. I sat on one of the beds and hugged me knees close to my chest. Hopefully they wouldn’t be gone to long. I wondered what exactly taking care of those guys meant. Maybe Sam and Dean were some sort of bounty hunters or FBI agents or something. I could probably poke around and find something to give me a clue, but I felt they had been kind enough to me to warrant respecting their privacy. Sam said he would explain everything. I realized the show that was on was X Files reruns and got kind of into it losing track of time.  
Three episodes later I heard a motor outside belonging to an older but probably classic sounding car. I half wanted to go look but couldn’t make myself unfold out of my upright fetal position. The sound of keys jangling came from the other side of the motel door. My heart started racing as I considered the possibility that the four guys had overpowered Sam and Dean, had taken the motel keys off of them, and had come to finish me off. The door swung open and I breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of the two brothers. Dean came in first with a couple boxes of pizza and a 24 pack of beer. He looked relatively unphased that I was still in the room. Sam looked surprised at first but then relief flooded his face and he smiled over at me. They both looked a little disheveled and like they had been in a fight but seemed relatively unscathed. “Dibs on showering first” Dean exclaimed. He grabbed a beer and headed for the bathroom, winking at me as he passed. Sam hesitantly made his way over to me approaching as one would an animal you didn’t want to scare. “How’re you holding up?” He asked. Sitting carefully on the edge of the bed I was on. “I’m ok” I answered giving him what I hoped was a convincing smile. “How did everything go?” I asked hesitantly. Sam sighed a pained look in his eyes. Maybe they hadn’t found them after all or maybe they got away. “Jamie there’s something I have to tell you and there’s no easy way to do it so I’m just gonna say it.” He sighed again and seemed to be reconsidering telling me whatever he was about to tell me. “My brother and I we, we hunt monsters. Like actual monsters. Like vampires, werewolves, ghosts. They’re all real. Those guys who attacked you they were monsters, shapeshifters actually. They use other people’s faces to be able to commit crimes without getting caught. We had been tracking them here because there were reports of a bunch of girls going missing. They must have thought you were dead when they left you. We haven’t found any other survivors. They’re dead now though. We killed them. Now I know that that’s an immense amount of information to take in right now, but I want to ask you something.” I don’t know why but I believed him. I guess at this point in my life with all I’ve been through nothing really surprises me anymore. He seemed to be waiting for me to give him the go ahead to ask his question. “Oh uh ya shoot.” Sam looked a little taken back by my calm response. Probably questioning my sanity. “Well when you said you had no one what did you mean by that? Like no one here in Denver or Colorado or...” he trailed off. Great now I had to tell him just exactly how pathetic my life was. “No I meant no one at all. My Mom died when I was born, my dad put me up for adoption and I spent my life in and out of foster homes. My boyfriend and I broke up a little bit ago and all my friends were mutual friends with him and they stuck with him. I moved back here because I grew up here and didn’t know where else to go. I really don’t know what I’m doing with my life or where to go from here.” I hugged my knees tighter into my chest, starting down at my feet. “Would you wanna maybe come with Dean and me for a while? It goes against all of my instincts to put you in the inevitable line of danger but I get the feeling that danger has a way of finding you anyways and I’d feel better if I were at least there to protect you.” My head had snapped up to look at him. Utterly shocked. He wanted me to come with him? That was more surprising then finding out he killed actual monsters. “Really? You’d want me to come with you? Why?” Years of being insecure instilled in me that I was not the type of girl most guys wanted. Let alone drop dead gorgeous guys. “I know it’s a little crazy, but I really like you and feel this need to protect you. Deans against this but only because he doesn’t want me to get hurt. He really likes you too.” “Why would you get hurt?” I asked. “Well if anything happened to you I’d never be able to forgive myself.” Sam looked down at his hands. I figured there was a story from his past that went along with that. “Well as long as you think you can handle an added danger magnet, I’m in.” It was Sam’s turn to snap his head up in shock. “Really? You’d come with us?” “Got nothing better to do” I said shrugging, but then winked at him. Sam was grinning ear to ear. Just then the bathroom door opened and Dean came out wearing nothing but a towel. I looked away quickly, blushing slightly. “Dean she’s in!” Sam said excitedly. “Well damn. I’m in the shower all of 10 minutes and you convinced her to come with us? How the hell he’d do that?” The last question directed at me. I looked over at him careful to keep eye contact and not let my eyes wander. “Well having earned the title of Bigfoot fighter I think I’ll fit right in.” I said smirking. But then I froze. Wait, Bigfoot? That earned a laugh from both brothers. “Like I said sweetheart there ain’t no Bigfoot. Some myths are just myths. Like the Lochness monster.” “Oh.” Was all I was able to say in response? “Could you use i beer right about now?” Dean asked slyly. “Oh god yes” that elicited about her laugh from both boys. Looking over at the beer and pizza I realized I was starving. I hadn’t had anything to eat since the night before. “I bet your starving. Sorry I should’ve given you something to eat before we left. I didn’t think about it.” Sam said seemingly reading my mind. I just nodded.  
We spent the rest of the night eating pizza, drinking beer, and watching crap TV. It was perfect. I had since moved out of my closed off position and was leaning against the backboard of the bed. Sam was next to me but I could tell he was trying to give me space. I wanted so badly to close the space and lay my head on his chest with his strong arms wrapped around me, but I didn’t want to press my luck. Just then I felt someone looking at me. I looked over at Sam and he was watching me. I expected him to turn away when I caught him but he just kept looking a longing in his eyes. I looked at him unsure of what exactly he wanted or was searching for in my gaze. He seemed to find whatever it was and scooched himself over so he was right up against me. I sat up a little not sure what my next move should be. Sam took advantage of the space between me and the headboard and put his arm around me. His eyes never left mine, making sure he wasn’t crossing any lines. Guess it was my turn for the bold move. I turned onto my side and scooched down a little so I could rest my head on his chest wrapping my arm around his waist. I was paying close attention to his reaction thinking maybe he would tense up and I had crossed a line. Instead he instantly relaxed as if he’d been holding his breath for a while and wrapped one arm around me the other cradling my head. I had never felt so at peace and safe.  
That was how everything started. How I ended up with the Winchester’s. Sam never let me hunt but that didn’t mean the hunt never found its way to me. There’s another important event to know before I explain the current predicament I’ve found myself in. Sam was about to say yes to Lucifer. They had a plan but it was sketchy at best. I begged Sam to let me come along. I had to be there with him. His plan involved him never coming back and I couldn’t stay back while he did what he had to do. A lot of tears and begging later he finally agreed to let me come. I promised to stick by Dean’s side the whole time. The plan went wrong. Lucifer possessed Sam and Sam wasn’t strong enough to jump into the portal to hell. The portal closed and it was just Dean, Bobby, and me standing in the same room as Lucifer. Lucifer walked slowly over to me. Reaching a hand out to caress my face. Dean moved to put himself between us but Lucifer flicked his hand sending Dean flying across the room. It was the weirdest thing I had ever experienced to be looking at the man I loved more than anything but knowing that it was someone else. “Sorry Dean, I’m going to need to take this one to” Lucifer said smoothly. The last thing I heard was Dean scream no and then I was somewhere else entirely.  
It was a dark room with a cracked mirror at the back and curtains covering the walls. Lucifer approached me quickly. “Mm I want you” He pulled me to him and began kissing me furiously. It took my mind a minute to catch up to my body which had reacted immediately and began kissing him back matching his urgency then my mind kicked in and I remembered that, that wasn’t Sam. I was kissing Lucifer. I tried to push him back but he had an iron clad grasp on me. “Listen we can do this the easy way of the hard way. Just give in and forget that this isn’t Sam and let me have what I want or I start hurting Sam. I can break his body and still use it just fine, but if he ever gets me out he’ll be broken. And it’ll be your fault. Is that what you want?” At this point I didn’t care what happened to me. And if I could do anything to protect Sam I would. I shook my head. “So you’ll let me do this?” “I’m so sorry Sammy.” I said hoping if Sam was aware at all that he would hear it. Then I nodded. Lucifer resumed kissing me and I let him have his way with me. He was rough and it hurt. Sam had always been so gentle with me he was always afraid he’d hurt me because of our size difference. I was 5’3” and weighed 105 pounds. Sam was 6’4” and weighed 210 pounds. I tried to check out and not let the pain be evident on my face in case Sam could see anything. Finally Lucifer reached his orgasm and roughly pushed me aside clearly done with me. With one tap to the forehead I was transported back to where I had been before.  
Years later when Lucifer was set free again he possessed the President of the United States and impregnated his secretary Kelly Kline. She gave birth to Jack Kline who we ended up taking in. Lucifer was disappointed that his son didn’t want to rule by his side and decided it was time to try again. That’s wear this story really starts.  
Sam had found a pattern resembling vampire killings in Kentucky. We had been cooped up in the bunker so I asked if I could come along for the road trip promising that I would stay in the motel like it had been before we found the bunker. Sam had kissed my forehead and said of course. I was chilling in the motel drinking a little bit of beer I bought from the convenience store just a few blocks away from the motel. I had my music cranked up and was singing at the top of my lungs hoping this wasn’t when Sam and Dean decided to come back from their hunt. I heard a flutter and spun around thinking I hadn’t heard the door in the midst of my concert. I let go of my beer and let it fall to the floor spilling out when I saw who was actually in my room. “Hiya Jamie. Let’s talk” Standing far too close to me was Lucifer in his original vessel. My heartbeat quickened. I began to pray that this was exactly the moment Sam and Dean decided to come back from their hunt. “Jamie I believe I have a bit of leverage I have come to negotiate with. It just so happens that your boys are being held by my men. We did a real good job setting things up to make it seem that there was a nest of vampires terrorizing Kentucky. They’re currently fine and unharmed and will remain that way if you agree to do one little thing for me.” “Anything” I blurted out. There was always the chance that he somehow new Sam and Dean were on the vampire hunt and that was all it was but there was not a chance in hell I was risking it. “Good girl” he cooed. “Let me have my way with you? Like we did back in Michigan?” My heart sank. I didn’t think it would be that. I didn’t exactly have an idea of what else he’d want from me but that? Fuck. “Ok.” I muttered weakly. Lucifer closed the distance between us and began kissing me again. “Fuck Jamie. You’re the best I’ve ever had. That Kelly chick? She paused in comparison. But it was all I could get back then. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since Michigan. As soon as I felt what Sam felt when he fucked you. I knew I had to have you.” He continued to kiss me and started taking off my clothes. I wondered if this would hurt less since he didn’t have Sam’s strong body to work with this time. Somehow it hurt just the same. I hated every minute. I was disgusted. I just wanted it to end. Finally he finished. Morning into my ear as he did. I shuddered. “I think we’ll be spending a lot more time together Jamie” he said with a grin. And then he was gone. I curled up on the bed and let the sobs that had been threatening to escape me since Lucifer had shown up finally escape me.  
It wasn’t long before I heard the keys to the motel door and soon the door to the motel was aggressively opened. “Jamie?” I couldn’t move. I couldn’t turn to see the boys rush in the room. But suddenly Sam was above me. He man handled me so that I was looking at him. “Jamie what’s wrong what happened?” I couldn’t tell him. The words wouldn’t come out of my mouth. Instead I started crying harder. “Jamie...” Sam scooped me up in his arms and rocked me slowly. Sam’s presence immediately soothed me. I breathed in his scent and was able to calm down. “Baby?” Sam questioned. “What happened on your hunt?” I asked instead. I could feel Sam breathe in slightly frustrated that I hadn’t told him what happened. “There were no vampires. They were demons. They, they said something about you. And I knew you were in trouble. Jamie please tell me what happened?” I was so emotionally drained but I tried. “Lucifer was here he said his men would kill you if I didn’t...” “Jamie, didn’t what?” Sam demanded. I abstractly wondered where Dean was. “If I didn’t let him fuck me.” I blurted out. And squeezed my eyes shut. I didn’t want to see his reaction. I felt him freeze. “Dean can you give us a sec?” The motel door opened and closed.  
Sam stood up with me still in his arms but then gently set me on my feet. He hooked his thumbs in my pants waist band and gently lowered them to the floor along with my underwear. Then he took the hem of my shirt and slowly brought it up. I lifted my arms so he could pull it over my head. He dropped my shirt to the floor and began his inspection. Starting with my arms, my stomach, dropping to his knees to check my legs. He suddenly gasped a little and stood up and moved away from me. I heard the sink turn on and he came back with a wet wash cloth. He got back on his knees and gently wiped something off my leg. I gasped a little at the coldness of the wash cloth. When stood back up I could see that the wash cloth now had a red stain. I guess the sex had been rougher than I remembered and having not been turned on at all or lubed up in any capacity hadn’t helped. Now that I thought about it, it burned down there. Sam disappeared again and came back with new clothes for me carefully dressing me. Tears had never stopped streaming down my face. Sam gently tilted my head up so I had to look at him. There was so much pain and concern in his eyes. Then he brought me to him wrapping his arms securely around me. My face was buried in his chest. It took me a second to remember how to move but then I wrapped my arms around him. We stood like that for a while. When he pulled away I could see his eyes were a little red from crying. “Shit, Dean” he muttered suddenly. He led me to the bed sitting me down and pulled out his phone. Dialing Dean’s number I guessed. “Dean? Hey. Ya were good. Where’d you go? Ok see you in a bit.” Sam got into the bed and scooped me up bringing me into his lap, cradling me. He stroked my hair occasionally but mostly just held me tight. Like he’d never let go of me again. I’d be ok with that.  
I heard Dean come in after a while setting his keys and wallet down on the little table by the door. I heard the chair by the table scrape being pulled out and then the pop of a can opening. Finally sleep overcame me and I fell into a blissful dreamless sleep. I woke up on the bed but Sam’s arm was still securely around me. We headed back to the bunker when everyone woke up. Riding in silence. Even Dean’s music was lower than it usually was. I think they were afraid I was going to have another meltdown or freak out. I wanted to lighten the mood and put them at ease but I couldn’t find the will to say anything. I hadn’t spoken since my outburst about what had happened.  
A month passed and everything was mostly back to normal. I knew Sam and Dean were looking for any signs of Lucifer so they could go after him but they didn’t talk to me about it and I never asked.  
We had just eaten breakfast. Sam and Dean were still at the table finishing off their coffee. I was washing dishes. I was never able to sit still for long keeping my mind occupied and off of other things. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my lower stomach. I gasped and put a hand to my stomach dropping the dish I was holding back into the sink. It didn’t break but clanged loudly. “Jamie?” Sam asked alarmed. A chair scraped and Sam was at my side immediately. “Jamie what’s wrong?” He turned me gently so I was facing him and put his hands on my upper arms his eyes falling to my hand on my stomach and then back to my face searching. “I- I don’t know. My stomach really ah” I broke off as the pain intensified and got sharper. I grabbed at Sam’s shirt holding on for support. “Sammy I think somethings really wrong.” I looked up at him and he looked a little panicked. He shook his head pulling himself out of his frozen panic and put himself into motion. “Ok uh come sit down” he led me to the chair he had been sitting in and sat me down. I wrapped my arm around him and buried my face in him, keeping a hand on my stomach. I had never been in this much pain. I have a high pain tolerance but this was something I couldn’t just brush off. “Dean can you call Cas? Maybe he can figure out what’s wrong. If not we’ll take you to the hospital ok baby?” He added for me. I nodded weakly. He had his hand on my head pressing me more firmly into him. “Cas? Somethings wrong with Jamie. When can you be here?”  
There was a flutter and I guessed Cas had just showed up. “Jamie?” He asked walking over to me. “What’s wrong?” I begrudgingly lifted my head from Sam to look at him. “It’s my stomach. It hurts so bad.” I was almost doubled over in pain at this point. The good thing about having a high pain tolerance is that the boys new I wouldn’t complain about anything unless it was real bad so they took me seriously. Cas came beside me and Sam moved out of the way. He put a hand on my stomach and was silent for a minute. He took his hand off my stomach but was still silent. I looked up at him waiting for him to say something. “Cas, what is it?” Sam asked anxiously. “Jamie’s uh Jamie’s pregnant. She seems to have a preexisting condition that’s very rare and dangerous. It makes the pregnancy very difficult and painful. Death is likely. But there’s something else. The baby is a Nephilim.” Cas no longer seemed concerned for me or sympathetic. He looked almost angry. I was still in pain but shock won out for a minute. I couldn’t think. Everything and everyone in the kitchen forgotten. We hadn’t told Cas about the incident with Lucifer a month back. “We have to kill her.” Cas said emotionless. Her? Was my baby a girl? Could he tell? I was still motionless unable to ask anything I wanted to. Maybe Sam was too because it was Dean who spoke up. He moved closer to me protectively. “What do you mean her, Cas?” “Jamie. We have to kill Jamie. Not directly but part of the condition is that if the baby dies the woman dies. And vice versa. I suppose we could kill her directly in that case.” “Cas what are you talking about. Nobody’s killing anyone. Except maybe someone killing you if you don’t explain right now.” Dean was at my side now his hand resting on my shoulder. “Dean this Nephilim, it’s powerful. Jack powerful. I don’t understand how but Jamie’s pregnant with Lucifer’s child. We can’t let it live. Not this time.” Sam must have snapped out of his shock because he was suddenly at my side grabbing me up by my arm and pulled me behind him. “I swear to God Cas if you try to touch her you’ll be dead before you start.” Sam said in a tone I’d never heard from him. It was frightening honestly. Dean was beside Sam furthering the barrier between me and Cas. Sam was holding my hand. I couldnt understand how Cas could be this adamant about killing me. We had gotten close. He stayed with me when the boys went on hunts. We’d watch movies together and have game nights. He confided in me that he felt he had failed Sam and Dean often and I had comforted him. With a flutter Cas disappeared. I had a feeling he’d be back though.  
Both boys turned around to face me. It was then that my legs decided to give out I started to slump towards the floor. “Woah” Sam exclaimed. He caught me and helped me down to the floor, sitting next to me and holding me to his chest. Dean came and sat next to me on my other side. He put a hand reassuringly on my thigh. “It’s ok Jamie. We’re gonna get you through this and keep you safe.” Sam said. I know he was trying to comfort me but it sounded like he wasn’t convinced it would be ok. “Should we get her somewhere else?” Dean asked Sam. “Cas could come back any minute.” “No let’s just put angel warding up. There will be others after her too and they could find her if we leave.” Sam answered. “Ok I’ll go get started. Sam’s right Jamie. We’re gonna get you through this.” Dean assured me, rubbing my leg a little, before pushing himself off the floor and leaving the kitchen. I still didn’t know what to say or what to think.  
The pain never subsided but I was getting used to it. I had a feeling the pain was the new normal. I knew my mom died in child birth. Now I wondered if it had been because of the same condition I had and it was a genetic condition now passed on to me. “How are you feeling baby? Does your stomach still hurt?” He hesitantly put his hand on my stomach. I wondered if he was afraid of the thing inside me. I knew I was. I mean I had spent time with Jack and he was a normal human being obviously minus the inhuman powers he had, but I just couldn’t help but feel like I had a monster growing inside of me. It was part him. Lucifer. And Lucifer scared me more than anything. “Uh ya it hurts a little.” A lot. I felt better with Sam’s hand on my stomach. It was like I wasn’t alone with the monster in me. “I’m scared Sam.” “I know baby. Honestly I’m pretty scared too. But we’re gonna get through this together. You aren’t alone. I’ll be with you every step of the way.” He kissed me on the top of my head and stroked my hair a little.” “Maybe we should go research this condition. Figure out what we’re up against.” I nodded. Sam stood up and offered out his hands to pull me up. Then he took my hand and led me to the library. We sat down at the large desk and Sam opened up his laptop. “Hmm I don’t really know where to start. He could have at least told us what it was called.” Sam’s voice turned rougher when he mentioned Cas. “Maybe try rare diseases affecting pregnancy.” I offered. That might narrow it down, but there could be several that fit. Sam’s face continued to darken as he read whatever information the search brought up, several times looking over at me with concern. That was comforting. “I think I found it” he said finally. Oddly enough I didn’t really care what it was or what all I’d go through. I was sure it was just a lot of pain ending in death. Sam handed me the laptop. Apparently only five other women had ever had it. Leave it to me to have literally the most rare condition ever. Like I thought it sounded like a lot of pain, getting near unbearable at the end. One of the women had to be sedated for the last two months of her pregnancy. All of them had died. I wondered if my mom was one of these documented women. The names hadn’t been included in the article. It also mentioned what Cas had said about the woman dying if the baby died ruling out abortion. It also said that morning sickness continued through the entire pregnancy. “Well this sounds fun” I said setting the laptop back on the table. It was only then that I caught a look at Sam’s face. He looked like he might cry. “Hey Sam its ok!” I got up and straddled him and gently brushed his wavy almost shoulder length hair behind his ears, running my fingers through his hair. “This doesn’t scare me Sam. I’m not worried about the pain. I can get through anything with you by my side.” He gave me a weak smile. I don’t think I convinced him. I grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him. He surprised me by kissing back hard with a sense of urgency one might kiss someone you hadn’t seen in a long time or wouldn’t see for a long time. He had one hand on the small of my back, pulling me closer to him and the other on the back of my head, his fingers intertwined in my hair. Kissing Sam was like coming up for air after being underwater for too long. I felt immediate relief and felt my worries wash away. Eventually he broke the kiss and took my face in his hands. “I’m going to get you through this Jamie. You’re going to be ok.” He stared into my eyes with an intensity validating the meaning in his words. “I know Sammy.” I said giving him a reassuring smile.  
Sam never left my side which I didn’t mind. I got a little scared when I was left on my own always worried the baby would do something to me I wasn’t prepared for and would want Sam there for. The morning sickness was getting old. First off it was not just in the morning. It happened at all points of the day and was triggered by random things or nothing at all. When I felt like I might throw up I jumped up and ran to the nearest bathroom. Sam was never far behind, holding my hair back and rubbing my back. On a particularly bad day after the seventh time id thrown up I began crying, frustrated that this was happening to me. Sam had held me, rocking slowly, softly crying too. He kept saying “I’m sorry”. I always felt bad showing him any sign that I was hurting. I knew it killed him just knowing what I was going through so I tried my best not to remind him. Sometimes it was unavoidable. The pain was constant for the most part although it was getting worse. Sometimes though there was a much worse stabbing pain that would hit me. I couldn’t hide those. Sometimes I’d be alone with Dean when those happened and he’d ask me if I wanted him to go get Sam for me, and I always said no. Even though I wanted Sam more than anything. Him holding me during those helped me get through them. Dean would hold me when Sam wasn’t there and that helped a little. Definitely better than being alone.  
It had been three months since I first found out I was pregnant and I was starting to show. The site about my condition had said that it would be a slow process of getting bigger because apparently my body wasn’t built to grow a baby. It wasn’t going to naturally expand to accommodate the baby. Part of the reason why there was so much pain. Sam was in the shower and I walked over to the full length mirror on the wall of our room. I lifted up my shirt and stared at my little baby bump, spreading my hands out over it. I wish this was Sam’s baby so we could love it together instead of being terrified of it. I did feel a small amount of protectiveness over it. I was worried that once it was born I wouldn’t be able to stand up for it. I wasn’t entirely sure that I would want to, but I at least wanted to choice. Just then the baby kicked. I gasped and put my hand over the spot I had felt it, hoping it would kick again but also scared that it would. It had really hurt, but I didn’t really care at the moment. I didn’t even notice the shower water stopping or hear the bathroom door open, but suddenly Sam was behind me. I jumped a little. “Sorry baby, I didn’t mean to scare you.” I looked at Sam through the mirror a shocked expression on my face. His face turned to concern and he closed the space between us. “Baby are you ok?” “Ya I’m fine it just uh it just kicked.” “Oh. Does it hurt? His expression changed from concern to looking a little sad. I didn’t blame him. If this was our baby he would have been excited, but I’m sure he wasn’t super thrilled that I was excited over feeling another man’s baby move in me. “It does, but it’s not so bad. Woah.” The baby kicked again. “Do you uh wanna feel it?” “Oh uh sure.” I felt kinda bad for asking, but I wanted him to feel this with me. I was sort of scared that it was moving and didn’t want to be alone in it. I took Sam’s hand and put it on the spot I had felt it kick twice now, and put my hand over his. We waited in silence for a minute. Then it kicked again. Sam flinched a little and dropped his hand. It wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for but I understood. I guess I was in this whole the baby is now moving thing on my own. “Sorry Jamie I just…” “It’s ok I get it.” I hadn’t meant to sound as offended and rejected as I did. “Is it bad that I wish it was my baby? I mean I’d feel guilty as hell for being the one to put you through this but…” “I wish it was yours too. I wish so badly that it wasn’t the literal spawn of Satan. Sam… it scares me, it moving like this. I guess it makes it more real too.” Sam put his hand back on my stomach. “I told you, you are not alone in this and I meant it. I’m with you a hundred percent.” I took his hand off my stomach, grabbed his other arm, and wrapped them around me letting go to wrap my arms around him. He hugged me tight.  
“Sam? Jamie?” We heard Dean shout from across the bunker. Sam took my hand and we ran to Dean to see what was up. I stopped dead in my tracks when I realized that Dean wasn’t alone. My blood ran cold. Lucifer put his hands up in a surrender. “I come in peace.” He said cooly. Clearly enjoying the tension his presence caused. “You should have known that you making any sort of appearance would mean war.” Sam said seething. Sam crossed the room quickly and punched Lucifer in the face. Lucifer looked unphased. He rubbed his jaw absent mindedly. “Feel better?” He asked Sam. Sam punched him again in response. This time Lucifer’s cheek was bleeding a little. “Come on Sammy don’t be like that. I’m just here to check on my baby momma.” He waved at me. “Plus I come baring gifts. Also I bet you’re wondering how I find this lovely establishment of yours. You should talk to a certain angel you know. I think you may have a traitor in your midst. He told me about your condition Jamie. I looked into it. Im truly sorry about that. Had I known… well no I probably wouldn’t have done anything different. However,” Before he could finish Sam punched him again. “If I could finish what I was saying, however, I can make the pain go away. At least for a little bit.” “What? How?” Sam asked. “May I?” Lucifer gestured at me. I made my legs move forward towards Sam, but stayed behind him a little. “Hey I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to help you. You have my word.” Lucifer’s word meant little to me, but relief from this pain sounded good. I stepped out from behind Sam. Lucifer came in front of me and reached his hand out. I felt Sam stiffen beside me, his arm wrapped protectively around my waist. Lucifer put his hand on my stomach. The constant pain I had been in for four months completely went away. I gasped and Sam reached out probably thinking it was a pained gasp and wanted to take Lucifer’s hand off of me, but I beat him to it and out both of my hands on Lucifer’s hoping he never had to take it off. “Jamie?” Sam asked. “It’s ok Sam. It’s gone. The pain is gone. I slumped slightly into Sam completely at ease. “See? I told you.” Lucifer said smugly. “Hi little guy” He cooed, rubbing my stomach. “Has he been kicking?” He asked me. I just nodded, too far off in bliss to answer properly. As if the baby heard the question I felt him kick me, a little to the left of where Lucifer’s hand was so I doubt he felt it. I guess I was feeling grateful for what Lucifer was doing for me right now and I moved his hand over to where I had felt the kick. “Here.” I said. The baby kicked again. I looked up at Lucifer and he looked happy and proud. The exact opposite of how Sam had looked when I had, had him feel the baby kick. I felt a pang of guilt thinking about how Sam must be feeling about this situation right now. But, I couldn’t bring myself to feel too bad. I was in the arms of the man I loved and felt completely normal for the first time in a long time. “Wow.” Lucifer breathed, completely focused on the baby bump. Castiel had, had Kelly well hidden during her pregnancy so Lucifer never was able to experience this before. Lucifer shook his head, pulling himself out of his daze. “I can do something else too.” Lucifer said, a wry smile on his face. “What’s that?” Sam asked wearily. “I can show you what she’s been feeling. Just in case you wanted to know just how bad it is. I think she’s too good at hiding it.” That snapped me out of my daze. No. Under no circumstance could Sam know the amount of pain I was in. Before Lucifer had put his hand on me I was in pain that would have had the average person doubled over. Probably me too, but I was used to it and able to hide it. “What? No. Please don’t do that.” I realized that, that probably made Sam want to feel it more, but I didn’t know what else to do. I was in a full blown panic. Maybe if Sam saw how desperate I was for this not to happen he would let it go. “Ok show me.” Sam said. I swirled around to face Sam, Lucifer’s hand slipping off of me in the process. That ruined it. The pain rushing back was too much to take in at once. I screamed and grabbed my stomach, falling to my knees. “Jamie!?!” Sam shouted. He kneeled down next to me bringing me into his chest. There was a ringing in my ears. I thought I might actually pass out from the pain, or puke, or both. “I can shift it to you Sam.” Lucifer said calmly. “No.” I spat out through gritted teeth. “Just give me a second.” “Do it. Lucifer do it now.” Lucifer touched my stomach for a second and then it was gone. The searing pain subsided. In the next second I heard Sam yell out. I tried to scramble out of his grasp, but he just held me tighter. He had let go of me with one hand which he now had pressing against his stomach. His eyes were squeezed tight, his mouth in a grimace. He looked like he was trying hard to hold back moans, but a few escaped him anyways. “Lucifer stop it now.” I demanded. “It’ll switch back in a second.” Lucifer replied. Sam’s head was buried in my shoulder and I stroked his hair, hugging him tight. He pulled back a little and looked at me. “This is what you feel all the time?” “You get used to it.” I offered quietly. He let out a sob and hugged me even tighter, reburying his face in my shoulder. I noticed Dean had moved a little closer, hovering, but clearly unsure of what he should do. I heard Sam sigh, sounding a little relieved and a second later the stabbing pain was back. I grit my teeth hard to not scream this time. A little yelp still came out despite my best efforts. Sam switched us so my face was in his shoulder. I hoped my mouth being pressed against Sam suppressed the sound of the whimpers I was unable to hold in. I heard footsteps move closer to where we were on the floor and felt a presence above us. “Let’s move to the couch shall we?” Lucifer said, his voice cool as ever. It had felt good to have a mutual appreciation over the movement of our baby, and it stung a little that he clearly didn’t actually care about me. It shouldn’t have bothered me. I didn’t know why it did. I looked up a little and Lucifer was extending a hand towards me. I took it and Sam helped push me up from the floor. I stumbled a little and tripped forward a little. Lucifer caught me in his arms. I pushed off of him and tried to steady myself. Sam was at my side immediately, supporting me. Lucifer still had my hand and led me towards the couch. Sam had my other hand, supporting me with a hand on my back. I collapsed on the couch and quickly curled up into Sam. “I can make it go away Jamie.” Lucifer said from the other side of me. I shook my head quickly. “No. I can’t go back and forth like this. I just need a sec to get used to it.” A small sad sound came from Sam. He probably didn’t like that I had anything to get used to. Especially now that he knew what it was that I was getting used to. Fucking Lucifer. He ruined the one thing I had going for me in keeping Sam in the dark. “When’s the last time you actually slept?” Lucifer asked. I had to think about it. Sure I slept, but it took forever to fall asleep and I was always restless all night long. Waking up to the pain and finally being able to fall back into a shallow sleep. I always woke up feeling like I hadn’t slept at all. “It’s… been a sec.” I said slowly. “That’s what I thought. The baby needs you to sleep Jamie. It’s not healthy for it for you to be sleep deprived.” Of course he didn’t care about my sleep, just the baby’s. Why did I care? I also wanted to punch him for insinuating that I wasn’t doing my best to take care of this baby when he hadn’t been present until now. He didn’t have to go through any of this. And he did this to me. “Fuck you.” I said. Sam chuckled a little. Lucifer sighed. “Jamie please let me take the pain away so you can sleep?” Before I could continue turning Lucifer down Sam butt in. “Jamie I think you should let him do it.” I lifted my head up in shock. Why would Sam want Lucifer anywhere near me? “I’ll still be right here.” He promised. “Uh I guess it wouldn’t be so bad.” “It would be easier if you came over here.” Lucifer suggested. I looked up at Sam and he nodded. I hesitantly lifted up from my position on Sam and assumed the same position on Lucifer. Laying my head on his shoulder and pulling my knees up resting them on his legs. Lucifer gently wedged his hands between my stomach and knees, resting on my stomach. There was that sweet release again. I sighed a sigh of relief and let myself relax into Lucifer. Every part of me was screaming to get away from him, but it felt so good that I couldn’t. Lucifer’s other arm was wrapped around my shoulders. I could almost feel his smug smile. I closed my eyes against all my better judgments and, to my surprise, fell asleep immediately.  
I jolted awake. The pain was back, stronger than ever. I was laying on the couch. No longer on Lucifer. “S-Sam?” I squeaked out,” trying hard not to let put any pained sounds. I felt the couch sink next to me and felt a hand on my back. “Hey sweetheart, you ok?” Dean. I tried to sit up. I grabbed my stomach, as another stabbing pain hit me. Dean wrapped a strong hand around my waist and helped me up. Bringing me into his chest. “I don’t know where Sam is. I can go find him if you want?” I almost accepted his offer to find Sam, but with better judgment realized I should probably wait until I could hold a conversation without wincing before I should face Sam. “Can you just stay with me Dean?” I asked. “Of course sweetheart. I’m here for you.” “When did Lucifer leave?” I asked. “Just a little bit ago. Sam asked him not to leave till he got back in case you woke up when he did, but guess you can’t trust the devil. He did ask me to apologize to Sam for him. He said something came up that couldn’t wait.” I wondered where Sam had gone. I didn’t think anything would make him leave me alone with Lucifer. Although I guess he wouldn’t have thought I was in too much danger with Dean here the whole time. Still I had a sinking feeling that he wasn’t in a good place. “I’m gonna go find Sam I think.” I said. “Are you sure? I can go find him if you wanna stay here and recover some more?” “Ya I’m sure. I’ll be alright.” I started to stand up and was overcome with dizziness. I put my hands on my thighs to catch my breath and wait it out. That really helped my I was ok argument. “Jamie?” Dean asked concerned, putting his hands on my shoulders, steadying me. “Yep I’m good. Just give me a sec.” “You know Sam will kill me if I let you hurt yourself. Especially trying to find him.” I stood up all the way, the dizziness finally gone. “Ya I know, I’m saving that playing card for if you ever really piss me off.” I responded jokingly, giving him a smile. “Ya, ya get out of here before I pin you to the couch.” Dean smirked.  
I wasn’t sure where to start my search, but if he was in the bunker I’d find him eventually. I started for our bedroom when I heard a sound coming from the kitchen. My heart sunk when I saw him in the kitchen. He was sitting on the floor with a beer in his hand and a considerable amount of bottles of beer next to him. His head was down, but his body was shaking as soft sobs escaped him. “Sam?” I said softly before coming over to him so I wouldn’t scare him. His head snapped up and I could see his tear streaked face. “Shit, Jamie.” He said and started to get up, but I got to him before he could get far. I put my hand on his shoulder to keep him from getting up and straddled him so I could face him properly. He ducked his head again embarrassed I guessed, but I put my hands on his face so he would look at me. I whipped the tears off his face and ran my fingers through his hair trying to comfort him. I wasn’t sure which part of the events of the day had upset him the most. I had a hunch it was the fact that I had just spent an hour curled up with the devil. If some angel chick came along and was able to make Sam feel better than I could, I think I’d break open some beers myself. “Sam I’m so, so sorry.” I started. Sam started shaking his head, and sat up a little so he was more level with me. He took my face in his hands. “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about Jamie. This,” he gestured to the beers around him, “this was stupid. I should have been there for you. I just, you’re in so much more pain than I could have imagined and thought you were. I don’t know how you’re sitting here talking to me not doubled over in pain.” I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to answer that one, but he continued before I got a chance to try. “And then freaking Lucifer being able to make the pain go away, it just made me feel so helpless. I was supposed to be able to get you through this, but I can’t do anything.” It was my turn to shake my head. “No Sam you’re wrong. You do everything for me. I try not to be super needy all the time, but when I’m in your arms I’m at peace. Sure the pain doesn’t go away, but I don’t really think about it much cause I have my Sammy. I was only able to fall asleep with Lucifer because I knew you were there. I’d much rather feel safe and loved than absolutely terrified even if there’s no pain in the last situation. I could not do this without you Sam. You make me forget. You do take away the pain.” Sam looked at me like he was a little unsure if he completely believed me or if I was just bullshitting to make him feel better. I sighed. I wasn’t sure how to get him to believe me, but I knew what I wanted in that moment. I leaned forward and kissed him hesitantly. I wasn’t sure if he was in the make out mood, but he kissed me back gently. Something about the highly emotional and draining events of the day and feeling immediate relief from Sam’s kisses made something come over me and I started kissing him hard. He surprised me by matching my intensity. His hands slipped under my shirt and started exploring my body. When they rested on my stomach, his kissing momentum faltered a little, so I moved his hands up higher on my chest, hoping that would distract him from whatever thought he just had. It seemed to work. I help onto his waist and grinded on him a little. I knew what I wanted and was getting it this time. Sam hadn’t wanted to have sex about me since the pain had started. He had always assured me that he wanted to, but was terrified of hurting me. I always told him he was being stupid and also always felt rejected and like maybe he just didn’t like the thought of having sex with me because of what was inside me. Sam moaned into my mouth and his hips moved in motion with mine. Suddenly Sam started slowing down. “Mm Jamie no we can’t.” Damn it. I was so close to getting what I wanted. “Why?” I asked whining. “Baby I don’t want to hurt you.” “You won’t. Please? Please Sam? Make me forget?” I gave him my best puppy dog eyes. He had always been better at that than me, but I had always still been able to get what I wanted. It worked. With a resigned groan he pulled me back to him and started kissing me again. He scooched forward a little a wrapped my legs around his waist. Then wrapped an arm around my waist to secure me to him and got up off the floor. I switched to kissing the side of his neck and kissing and licking his ear, so he could concentrate on getting us to our bedroom, eliciting soft moans from him. “Jamie I’m gonna accidentally crash us if you don’t cut that out.” He said chuckling lightly. I looked up at him and gave him a sly smile. He rolled his eyes but laughed again, leaning down to kiss me. I realized we had reached our bedroom. He walked in and shut the door behind us then laid me gently on the bed. “Just promise me that if I hurt you or you need me to stop that you’ll tell me?” I nodded “Promise.” He gently pulled me up a little so he could slip my shirt off and undo my bra, then laid me back down. He trailed kisses down my neck, my chest, and, hesitantly, my stomach. I thought about stopping him and asking if his real aversion to not having sex with me had to do with being repulsed by me being pregnant, but I didn’t really want to know that answer. Not yet anyways. I wanted to be selfish first and let this happen. Then maybe I’d ask him. He started pulling at the hem of my shorts and underwear and I lifted my back up a bit so he could pull them off better. He kissed up my body this time. Up my legs, stomach, chest, stopping there to suck on my nipples. I moaned and arched a little into his mouth. God he was amazing. I pulled him back up so I could kiss him. He reached down and started rubbing my clit. An explosion of pleasure overcame me and I sank my head back into a pillow unable to do anything else. Sam took the opportunity to kiss my ears, moaning softly into them. He knew that turned me on the most. I was suddenly aware that Sam had far too many clothes on. I reached and tugged on Sam’s shirt. He got up on his knees and pulled his shirt off. I sat up and undid the button to his jeans and pulled the zipper down. He got off the bed and hurriedly shoved his pants and perfectly tight boxers off. I was happy to see that he was rock hard. He couldn’t be repulsed by me all that much if that was the case. He crawled back over me looking into my eyes for a second, silently asking if I was ok with continuing. I mentally rolled my eyes and grabbed his face to kiss him. He slipped a finger inside me to loosen me up. I moaned, but it wasn’t enough I wanted, no, needed him inside me, more than anything I had needed anything in my life. “Sam I want you.” I breathed through our kisses. He took his finger out, but hesitated for a second. “Please Sam?” I begged. I felt the tip of him, and then he was slowly sliding into me. I stand by my opinion that the first time a man enters you during sex, no matter how many times you’ve had sex with them, is the best feeling in the world. And sex with Sam? Kissing him was beyond magical, but sex with him, it was otherworldly. I have to admit that when he was all the way in me it kinda hurt. He was pressing against my slightly larger uterus that was sitting lower in my pelvis. But I was not about to stop this from happening. It still felt amazing. The immense pleasure by far overcompensated for the pain. His thrusts were getting harder and faster, more desperate. “Fuck, Jamie.” He moaned, sending butterflies to my stomach. I wrapped my legs around him so I could better match his thrusts. I was close to an orgasm I knew would be mind blowing. Each thrust hit my g spot just right. “Fuck Sammy I’m so close.” “Come for me baby.” Sam breathed into my ear. I shuddered and then shook as my orgasm blasted through my entire body. With a final thrust Sam came too, one hand knotted in my hair, the other grabbing the sheets. We laid there holding each other, letting our breathing return to normal. After a minute or so Sam slowly pulled out of me and collapsed next to me. “I really missed that.” He said. I smiled. “Me too. Does this mean we can do it more?” “Did it hurt at all?” “I came didn’t I?” “That doesn’t answer my question.” “No it didn’t hurt Sam. It felt amazing. All pain forgotten.” I rolled onto my side and ran my hand up and down his chiseled abs. God he was beautiful. He grabbed my hand and slowly rolled me over so he was directly over me again. “I don’t believe you.” I sighed. “There is a possibility that it could be too painful in up coming months.” I answered begrudgingly. “Damn it Jamie. So it did hurt?” “Just a little.” I said very quietly. I was in trouble. He groaned and rolled off of me, onto his back, with his arm over his eyes. I sat up facing the headboard and tugged on Sam’s arm so he would look at me. My attempts were futile though. “Sammy it really wasn’t bad. It was a slight discomfort at most. I would a hundred percent do it again.” Sam lowered his arm to look at me, scrutinizing my face. “What am I gonna do with you?” He said finally. His voice a little lighter than before. “Come ‘ere.” He held out his arms for me. I scooted myself so I could lay my head on his chest, wrap an arm around his waist, and drape my leg over him. He wrapped his arms around me and stoked my hair gently. “I love you, so much. It kills me to know that I’ve caused you any pain.” “C’mon we mix pleasure in pain with sex all the time ya know hair pulling, spanking, all that.” “Jamie those are vastly different circumstances.” “I know. I’m sorry. I was just tryna make you feel better. But you don’t even need to feel bad in the first place. I swear it was good for me. Probably the best I’ve ever felt these past months.” “Better than your nap with the Devil?” I scowled at him even though he couldn’t see my expression. “I thought you weren’t mad about that. But yes Sam. It was infinitely better than sleeping on someone who has raped me technically twice now.” Sam was quite for a moment. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair. I’m not mad at you for it. Just wish I could do that for you.” I didn’t want to get into that again. I figured it was a lost cause trying to explain to him how much he did for me. Which broke my heart. “You’re my everything Sam.” I said simply. He kissed the top of my head. “And you’re mine.” We were silent for a while. There was still a question I wanted to ask him. I knew it was probably a can of worms best left shut tightly, but I couldn’t get it out of my head. “Sammy?” I started. “Ya baby?” I didn’t go on. I shouldn’t ask him this. “Baby what is it?” Sam probed. I guess I was going for this. I just had to know. Stupid insecurities. “I just uh, I mean I was wondering… is your aversion to having sex with me just because you don’t want to hurt me or are you uh… do you find me unattractive now or like, you know, repulsive cause I’m pregnant. And it’s, it’s not yours.” It all kinda came tumbling out. But now it was out there. I squeezed my eyes shut. Very afraid of his answer. Also afraid that I wouldn’t get the truth. Suddenly I was sitting up, Sam’s hands on my face. “God no Jamie. I could never feel repulsed or unattracted to you. No matter what. You are perfect. And this,” He gestured to my stomach, “this wasn’t your fault.” He swallowed and paused for a second. “I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t completely unbothered, but it’s in different ways. Like feeling it kick or kissing you there, because I kind of hate it, for what it’s doing to you. I can’t explain it right. I just, I swear the sex thing is purely because I don’t want to hurt you. I guess in the way that sex overrides the pain you felt when we did it is the same way it overrides me not wanting to be close to it. God I’m sorry. I know that kinda sounds bad.” He hung his head. I laughed a little, mostly out of relief, earning a shocked look from Sam. “You’re laughing?” He asked incredulously. “Sam believe me, I understand that more than you could know. I don’t hate it exactly. I actually kinda go back and forth between wanting to protect it more than anything and being completely freaked out by it. That’s another thing you do for me ya know. When you’re around I feel a lot safer. When I’m alone I feel like it’ll take the opportunity to do something crazy that I’m not ready to deal with. And when it moved for the first time and you felt it to, that really helped me through it. I honestly hate feeling it move and you know just being pregnant with it.” I let out a dry laugh. Sam put both of his hands on my stomach, rubbing it gently with his thumbs. “I honestly hadn’t considered that this would help you like that. I could only think of happy couples feeling their baby together. This helps me though. Thank you for explaining that to me. And I’m glad you told me how you’re feeling about it these days. I wasn’t sure which way you’d be leaning towards and I guess I was a little afraid to ask. I’m not sure what the right thing to do is when it’s born, but if you want to protect it from Lucifer I’ll back your play a hundred percent. Hopefully we can make a few more right moves this time to make sure it doesn’t have as much trouble as Jack at navigating it’s powers. Plus I’m sure having its mother actually around might…” He trailed off a new sad look on his face. “I’ll find a way to bring you back you know if, if things don’t you know…” “No Sam stop. You will not be selling your soul for me because I’m not going anywhere. I’m stronger than those other women first of all. I mean one had to be sedated because of the pain and look at me, I’m over here fooling around with you.” I winked at him. “And secondly, sure I get a shit ton of bad luck thrown my way, but nothing has managed to take me out. When you found me those shapeshifters were supposed to have killed me. They thought they did. Life’s gonna have to try a lot harder than knocking me up with the spawn of Satan and giving my some bullshit rare condition if it wants to take me out.” I smiled smugly. I wasn’t completely convinced of the truthfulness of my monologue. I had my doubts about being able to survive this, but as bad as things got I really did have a way of getting out of them mostly unscathed. Just a few mental/emotional scars to bring along with me. I had also made Dean promise to keep a close eye on Sam if I didn’t make it and make sure that he didn’t sell his soul to any cross road demons, so I took some comfort in that. Sam still looked upset, but then smiled. I figured it took some effort to do so. “You better survive this. That’d be a pretty lame way for Jamie Rose’s story to end.” “Oh ya? And how should my story end?” “Well first of all you are not allowed to die until you become Jamie Winchester and secondly I think your story ends with you dying peacefully in your sleep at a nice old age. I think that would be the most exciting way to go. Having beet all the odds and getting to live your life out.” Sam was saying something else but I hear Jamie Winchester and then nothing else. “Woah hold on Sam. Back up a little bit. What was the first thing you said?” Sam laughed at the shock in my voice. “Jamie, I want to marry you. Not now because like I said you aren’t allowed to die until after I marry you and this way you’ll definitely make it through.” Sam kept the last sentence light, but I could tell he was struggling to keep it light. “But after for sure. If, you know, you want to? I suppose I should ask you if you actually want to marry me.” He laughed. For some reason marriage hadn’t really crossed my mind. Not because I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with him, because I absolutely did, but because we never seemed to do the traditional things. We didn’t really celebrate holidays or birthdays that much. We just did things our way. But maybe we could make a wedding in a very Winchester way. I would like that. “Sam there’s nothing in the world that could make me happier.” It sounded a little too gushyA, but I felt the moment allowed for it. Sam hugged me tight against him. When he pulled away he had an impish smile on his face. “Nothing could make you happier?” He asked then kissed me in a way that should be illegal for how amazing it made me feel. I gasped and he pulled away chuckling lightly. “I thought you didn’t want to do that with me anymore.” Sam shrugged. “If you’re sure the pain doesn’t bother you…” “It doesn’t! I swear!” Sam laughed. “I love you Jamie.” “I love you too Sam.” And with that we picked up where our kiss had ended.  
Only a month and half to go now, before the baby was here. I somehow found myself alone in the library. Sam had gone to get some folder in the bunkers archives leaving me with Dean. Dean made me swear on my life I would tell Sam that I had gone with him to the kitchen so he could get a beer. When he had asked me straight up to go to the kitchen with him I told him I could survive two minutes alone without attracting danger. Famous last words I suppose. I heard movement in the room and assumed Dean was back. “Well aside from boredom nothing made an attempt on my life while you were…” I trailed off and sprung from the couch when I saw who it actually was. “Jamie I’m sorry it has to be this way. I sent Lucifer your way hoping that Sam and Dean would kill him making the situation less urgent, but it seems I have no other choice.” Cas removed his angel blade from his coat and approached me slowly but with conviction. Surprisingly it wasn’t fear I was feeling but anger and betrayal. I took a few steps to meet him in the middle. I took his hand and placed the point of his blade directly on my stomach. “Do it then Cas. Kill me.” His determined demeanor faltered a little at the turn of events. I stared straight into his eyes. He wasn’t getting off easy. If he was going to kill me he’d have to do so leaving with the image of me watching him as he did so. I also wasn’t going to plead my case. He knew that he was killing a close friend. A friend he had appeared to immediately when he heard they were in trouble. For a brief second I thought about telling him that this was just another one of his delusional self-righteous actions that would end up back firing and once again have the Winchester brothers against him. But I didn’t want to stoop to that level. I also thought that, that might give him more ammunition to go along with the act, convinced he had to prove he was doing the right thing. And despite what it looked like that really wasn’t the outcome I wanted out of this situation. I heard footsteps approaching. Two sets. Damn it. “You couldn’t have waited two minutes for me to come back to go get another beer?” “Come on Sam, if anything we’d find Lucifer in there again helping her with her pain, she’s fi-” They rounded the corner and froze. Unfortunate placement on my part, Cas and I were sideways of the opening to the library so they could see the entire situation for what it was. Minus the fact that I had put myself in the particular position I was in. “CAS NO!” Sam yelled starting to run toward us. I put a hand up to him. “Don’t” I cautioned. “Don’t look at them Cas, look at me this is about me and this baby. So do it if your gonna do it. This is probably the only chance you have left. If you leave there’s no way Sam and Dean are gonna let you find me again. Do it!” He moved his blade back and up getting leverage to thrust it into me. It took a little effort not to flinch or wince in anticipation, but I managed to keep still and gaze at him steadily. Sam and Dean both started running towards us at that point. I didn’t think they’d reach Cas in time before he got the blade through me though, as long as he didn’t hesitate. Suddenly we were all looking at nothing. Cas had disappeared into thin air. That’s what I thought! I thought smugly. Or at least mostly thought. Sam was in front of me then pulling me into a suffocatingly tight hug. It felt good though because as my anger started to subside the fear I should have felt in the first place, creeped up on me and I thought I might crumble to the floor. I had been so focused on keeping my arms calmly at my side that I sorta forgot how to move them now to hug Sam back. He put his hands on my upper arms and pushed me back before I was able to get my arms to function properly. “What the hell Jamie? Are you trying to kill me? Or get yourself killed?” “I didn’t think he could actually go through with it.” I answered quietly. “And what if he had huh? What then? How could you have so blatantly put yourself in a position to be killed? What would I have do without…” He choked back a sob. “You cannot leave me Jamie.” “I- I’m so sorry Sammy. I was just so pissed and hurt that he took this position immediately. He didn’t even have to think about it. I was putting you guys at harm just by being around you because there would be people after me and he had to destroy that threat even though that threat was someone he had fought beside and cried beside. I mean nothing to him, or at least I’ll never mean as much to him as you guys do. I’m indispensable. I just wanted to make him do it. So he had to live with it for the rest of his life and maybe lose the two very friends he was trying to protect.” “Stupid son of a bitch.” I heard dean mutter. “If it’s any consolation I did think that he might be more desperate to act and wiling if I had shouted, and help was on the way and if I had retreated and wasn’t looking at him. I thought being alone and forcing him to have to look me in the eyes as he did it would be enough that any part of him that had ever cared about me couldn’t let him do it. But it was still stupid and I’m sorry I hurt you Sam.” “I’m just relieved you’re ok baby. That’s all that matters. And I have to admit your logic is pretty sound. But don’t let that get to your head if other opportunities for a stunt like this comes up. You cannot do this to me again.” I nodded. Sam hugged me tight, crushing my head gently into his shoulder. Despite all of my attempts to protect Sam from being hurt during this pregnancy, it seemed that I always found a way to hurt him anyways. “Going along with your Cas being a coward theory,” Dean started. “What if he decides to come back and kill you in your sleep or something. And I still can’t figure out how the hell he managed to get in here in the first place. Guess the angel warding is useless now. I think our best option is going on the run. Like we did when we had our buddy Frank helped us hide from the FBI. New car, burner phones, new state every day, the whole 9 yards.” I knew Dean was right, but the thought of going through the most painful part of my pregnancy on the run and not in the comfort of the bunker was not super appealing. Sam looked at Dean and nodded in agreement.  
Just like that we were on the road. I always thought I had reached the highest point of pain I could reach, but each week proved me wrong. I spent most of the time with my head in Sam’s lap in the back of the dodge rover we now drove. Sam had been a little weary of Dean’s choice, saying it was a little over the top which Dean challenged was the exact kind of car they wouldn’t be looking for plus he wasn’t going to wind up stuck in a soccer mom’s van for a month and a half. Sam would absentmindedly rub my stomach and stroke my hair. It felt good and helped keep my mind off the pain. Focusing on anything about Sam helped. It wasn’t all bad though. Being on the road again with my boys felt good. I had them with me the whole time. There was no worrying that they would come back to the motel seriously hurt. Sam and Dean even had a week of a prank war. It had been good to see Sam happy and having fun getting back at Dean. I always felt particularly guilty when I had to ask Dean to pull over when I was going to be sick. This was one of those times. I groaned, sitting up. “Dean?” I asked weekly. “Dean peaked at me in the review mirror. “I got you sweetheart.” He pulled over to the side of the road and I sprang out. Or at least sprang as quickly as I could manage. Sam, as always, was right behind me. Holding my hair back and rubbing my back. I heard him gasp sharply. I was way too busy being sick to question what had caused his alarm. When I was finally able to breathe again, I leaned back into Sam. “J-Jamie?” Sam questioned shakily. That’s when I tasted the metallical taste of blood in my mouth. I looked down on the ground where I had just puked my guts out and saw that there was a lot of blood. That couldn’t be good. I felt a particularly sharp pain in my stomach and took in a sharp breath. Then I felt a warm sensation in my leggings. Kinda like I pissed myself. My grey leggings gave away that whatever had gushed out of me was a lot darker than pee. And darker than my water breaking. Although maybe that had happened too. My thoughts were racing a thousand miles an hour. Trying to take in everything and interpret what it meant. “Dean?” I heard Sam call out frantically. He was shaking me gently. Calling my name too, but I was frozen. All I could think about was that maybe the baby was hurt. I was so scared. I was snapped back to reality when a huge cramp hit me. I grabbed my stomach and cried out in pain. I realized it was probably a contration. I felt Dean on my other side also trying to get my attention, laying a hand on my head to see if I was burning up. I looked up at Sam incredulously. “S-Sammy? I think I’m gonna have the baby. I think I’m in labor.” He stared back at me, matching my level of shock and fear before he got into motion. He scooped me up and brought me with him in the front seat. “Dean we need to get her somewhere now.” “Somewhere like where?” Dean asked. “I don’t know.” Sam answered after a pause. “Dean take that road!” “You’re gonna have her give birth on the side of a dirt road?” Dean questioned. “You got a better idea?” Sam asked, hope in his voice that his brother actually did have a better idea. The sudden turn of the car and the silence coming from Dean made it clear that he did not. I hadn’t given much thought to how the birth would go. I actually actively avoided thinking about it. I guess I had known that a hospital was out of the question, but I had thought I’d at least be inside somewhere. Maybe on a bed. Honestly though I was so distracted and out of it due to the searing pain in my stomach that I couldn’t care less where this happened. I just wanted it to be over with. Sam’s hand was intertwined in mine where it wrested on his chest. I was squeezing his hand hard. He rubbed soothing circles on my back. Whispering “It’s ok, you’re gonna be ok,” occasionally in my ear. “Her contractions are getting pretty close together. We’re just gonna have to pull over soon. No one’s out here. It should be fine.” It didn’t surprise me that Sam was able to figure out the timing of my contractions without me saying anything. The intensity of my hand squeezing and when I moaned louder probably gave him all he needed to know. I didn’t even know that they were getting closer. I just knew I hated every part of this. Suddenly the car veered off and came to a stop. I heard Dean get out of the car and then heard our door open. Sam passed me to Dean who scooped me out of the car. He held me for a second while Sam was rummaging for something in the back of the car, and then I was being laid down on the ground. Something soft was under me, Sam must have laid down a blanket for me. He was at my side instantly. “We’re gonna get you through this baby ok? You’re gonna be fine.” I just moaned in response. Sam moved to pull my pants off of me. For a brief moment I felt a blush creep onto my cheeks when I realized Dean was about to see me naked down there, but when a cramp worse than any of the previous ones hit me I no longer cared who was going to be seeing me naked. I screamed and grabbed Sam’s arm for support. “Baby I think you’re gonna have to start pushing soon. When your next contraction happens you’re gonna push for me ok?” I opened my eyes which had been squeezed shut since my first contraction, but I couldn’t make out anything. The pain was blinding. Everything was blury and there was a high pitched buzzing in my ears. I nodded in Sam’s direction to show him I had heard his instructions. I wanted to see Sam. Look into his eyes. Look at his expression to see if it matched his calm and confident voice. I detected an edge and slight panic when he spoke and I guessed that might show up on his face too. Dean was at my side, holding one of my hands and stroking my hair. Sam had my other hand and was rubbing my inner thigh. He had maneuvered both of my legs bent and spread apart. I felt very exposed, but I also imagined that if a parade had showed up and marched by that I wouldn’t have noticed. There it was, the next contraction. “Sam?” I asked, fear shaking my voice. “It’s ok Jamie. I need you to push now ok?” I nodded again and gave it my all. Fuck it hurt. If Sam and Dean hadn’t been as strong as they were I would be worried I would actually hurt them with how hard I was squeezing their hands. As it was I didn’t think they would be all that phased by it. The contraction ended and I sucked in quick frantic breathes. Sam moved closer to my face so he could stroke it. “You’re doing so good baby. You got this. You’re so amazing and beautiful.” If I had any control over my facial expression I would have rolled my eyes. Beautiful? I was guessing I was pretty sure I was a sweaty gross mess. I couldn’t think about that much longer as the next contraction came along. No, no, no. I wasn’t ready for this again. Sam scooched away from me and put his hand on my thigh again. “You got this Jamie. Push.” I screamed out this next push. Bursting into sobs when it was over. How much longer would this last? We continued like this a couple more times. Then I heard Sam gasp. “Jamie I see its head! You’re so close! Just a couple more! Push again.” A few more pushes later and I felt a release. The immense preassure I had felt went away. The pain went away. But it went too much away. I felt dizzy, out of it. Stars started forming in front of my eyes. I was gonna pass out. This was just in response to it being over right? I would pass out real quick and wake up fine and alert? No I had to make it more certain, convince myself that I would wake up and be fine. “Dean she’s loosing so much blood I- I don’t know what to do.” “What if I stay here with the kid and you take her to a hospital. No one’s after her now. She’ll be safe there.” “We’re in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of nowhere. She’s not gonna make it to a hospital.” I wanted to tell them that I was going to be ok. That I would pull through, but I couldn’t get the words out of my mouth. I heard the baby crying softly from somewhere. Him? Her? God I wished I could hold and see my baby. “What? Cas what the hell? Hey stay away from her!” What? Cas was here? How? Oh no he was going to kill my baby. No, no, no! The thought actually had me trying to sit up a little bit. That was a promising sign right? When a strong hand pushed me back down. “Relax Sam. I can save her.” There were lips at my ear and I heard Cas whisper “I’m sorry Jamie. For everything.” Then there was a bright light everywhere and a high pitched ringing in my ears. Maybe he was killing me. Seemed unnecessary at this point since I couldn’t do anything to protect my baby from him. But then everything cleared up. I could see again. I gently sat up and there was Sam. Kissing me everywhere. Then he pulled away. “I think there’s someone who wants to meet you.” He grinned and stood up. I noticed Cas was sitting a little ways off, staring at me, with a look of sadness and guilt in his eyes. I felt at peace. We could get passed this. Back to the Cas and Jamie duo we had been. Sam sat back down next to me and handed me a baby, swaddled in one of his shirts. My baby. My baby boy I noted after pulling the shirt down a little. God he was perfect. “He’s beautiful.” Sam breathed, mirroring my thoughts. He had an arm around my waste, his head resting gently on my shoulder. “I want to name him Charlie.” I said a little bit to my surprise. I hadn’t been thinking of baby names at all. But as soon as I saw him I knew it was right. Charlie Bradbury had been one of my best friends since meeting Sam and Dean. Losing her had hurt like hell. “I think that’s perfect.” Sam said. It seemed that the baby actually being here made all the fear and anger towards it disappear completely. Dean came and sat on my other side. I looked at Cas again and gestured with my head for him to come over. He hesitantly go up and moved towards us. I felt both boys tense up a little. I turned my head to kiss the top of Sam’s head, hopefully reassuring him. Cas settled down in front of us keeping a little bit of distance. Even with Cas no longer being a problem, it seemed, we still had a lot of things to figure out. Biggest on the list was Lucifer and how we would hide this baby from him. But I didn’t want to think about that now. I wanted this moment to last forever. I had my boys with me, all of them. Sam my perfect boyfriend who I loved more than anything. Dean, the older brother who I knew would protect me and look out for me as well as for Sam. Cas, my best friend. And now Charlie, who I would spend the rest of my life loving and protecting. Together we could get through anything.


End file.
